collapse

Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 164610 times)

wallie

  • ALF'er Bronze Member
  • *
  • Posts: 44
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #705 on: December 22, 2017, 06:02:27 PM »
A guy starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.


First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does so, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.


Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.


He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"


The lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees

steveo

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 507
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #706 on: December 23, 2017, 02:41:17 AM »
A great one Wallie!
Steve

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 134
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #707 on: February 03, 2018, 08:54:28 PM »
I learnt two things Today.
  • Never attempt a hi five with a rabbi.
  • I am no longer welcome at Temple.

starsapphire78

  • ALF'er Platinum
  • *
  • Posts: 328
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #708 on: February 08, 2018, 02:47:11 PM »
very funny Wallie

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 134
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #709 on: February 12, 2018, 05:13:08 PM »
Just spent the day at the shops with my daughter.
I must say, "Rockmans" was very disappointing.

starsapphire78

  • ALF'er Platinum
  • *
  • Posts: 328
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #710 on: February 12, 2018, 07:52:23 PM »
LOL

Jamo

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 1687
  • Gippsland Rocks!
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #711 on: February 14, 2018, 07:30:04 AM »
I like it PC


I went to a 'rock shop' in Newcastle with great expectations. Was disappointed they only sold music!  :P
Baaa humbug, not enough fossicking time!

starsapphire78

  • ALF'er Platinum
  • *
  • Posts: 328
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #712 on: February 14, 2018, 08:07:15 PM »
LOL Jamo , I felt the same , way

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 134
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #713 on: February 19, 2018, 07:35:05 PM »
Q. What do you call a group of fossickers ?


A. A Carton.

Jamo

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 1687
  • Gippsland Rocks!
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #714 on: February 19, 2018, 08:02:43 PM »
Q. What do you call a group of fossickers ?
A. A Carton.
I thought it would be a 'Rabble of Rubble'
Baaa humbug, not enough fossicking time!

MakkyBrown

  • Global Moderator
  • ALF'er VIP
  • *****
  • Posts: 936
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #715 on: March 09, 2018, 08:25:40 PM »
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
 
 But if anything, it only made him more sluggish.

 ;D ;D
We are a family of 4 from Southern Tasmania.

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 134
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #716 on: March 11, 2018, 09:43:04 AM »
I ate a snail once.
It gave me gastro.

starsapphire78

  • ALF'er Platinum
  • *
  • Posts: 328
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #717 on: March 23, 2018, 08:09:00 PM »
 Q. What did the , crusher say. To the sandstone block ?

 A. I have a crush on you

MALACHI

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 683
  • Live long and prospect
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #718 on: November 14, 2018, 08:49:58 AM »




A man who was travelling through the countryside was exhausted and starving. He came across a roadside inn with a sign out the front that read: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked on the door. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window.

“Could I stay the night at your inn?” he asked.

The woman glared at the man and shouted back, “No!”

“Do you have any food to spare?”

“No!” she shouted.

“Could I at least have a glass of water?”

“No!” she shouted again.

The man said, “Could I please…?”

“What now?” the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

“Do you suppose,” he asked, “that I might have a word with George?”  ::) ;D

Gemster

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 705
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #719 on: November 14, 2018, 11:29:43 AM »
 ;D Nice.....

 Gemster....
I swing a 12-pound hammer,smash gibbers by the ton
I used to think it convict work,but now i think it's FUN

 

* Sponsor

HTML Online Editor Sample

ALF is hosted by Aussie Sapphire as a free service to the Lapidary community.

Visit our website here
Phone 1800 50 21 40
Or find us on Facebook

Recent Activities

Tassie Pyrite by MALACHI
[November 17, 2018, 08:17:34 PM]


Cerium oxide by harryopal
[November 16, 2018, 07:55:32 PM]


lowmead by grumpy
[November 16, 2018, 03:37:42 PM]


Joke of the Day by Ghost
[November 15, 2018, 08:07:29 PM]


Expandable drum by glot
[November 15, 2018, 03:37:52 PM]


New polish lap for oxides on softer stones.. garnet etc ?? by ianRobinson
[November 15, 2018, 05:01:46 AM]


is it cheating by grumpy
[November 13, 2018, 03:34:03 PM]


Problems with Polishing by tinker
[November 13, 2018, 08:37:41 AM]


Opalton claims by FlashGP
[November 12, 2018, 06:20:11 PM]


Lithgow Tarana Oberon area by Joeyaquilina
[November 11, 2018, 05:47:48 PM]


Nonosital angles. by Rej
[November 11, 2018, 05:12:08 PM]


Advice needed - large collection of unidentified specimens by starsapphire78
[November 09, 2018, 04:48:02 PM]

* Calendar

November 2018
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
[18] 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30

No calendar events were found.
Sorry! There are no calendar events available at the moment.

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 16
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

* Find us on Facebook

* Forum Stats

  • stats Total Members: 3796
  • stats Total Posts: 53849
  • stats Total Topics: 5733
  • stats Total Categories: 6
  • stats Total Boards: 27
  • stats Most Online: 160