Joke of the Day

[MALACHI]

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
 The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

[MALACHI]

When you stop believing in Santa Claus
is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. 

[Bucket]

Hey Malachi, when did you stop believing? If you don't believe you don't receive! If you believe too much you end up being Santa!

[MALACHI]

Hey Bucket . I would have thought you would have been too busy to read my incriminating post.  I guess that puts me on the naughty list and I'll  be getting a lump of coal next Christmas. Any chance you could make that Jet ?? 

[Bucket]

Hi Malachi, I seem to recall you're a member at Essendon, have you guys settled into your new rooms at yet?

[MALACHI]

Hmmm …Lawyers don't lie. 

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming
to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.
 
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a Home to him because they knew that the
children would destroy the home.
 
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do not lie.
 
So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their children.
 
He took the remaining one with him to see homes with a real estate agent.
 
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked: "How many children do you have?
He answered: "12 children. The agent asked "Where are the others? The lawyer answered, with a sad look,
"They are  in the  cemetery with their mother.
 
And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.
 
MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to  choose the right words.
 
Lawyers don't Lie ...they are creative ........and don't forget:  Most politicians are lawyers......

 


 

[pc bowe]

I have often felt, I am a skinny man trapped in a fat mans body.
I think I may be trans-slender.

[pc bowe]

Toilette Paper.
The Currency of the apocalypse. 
Who Knew!

[FlashGP]

I didn't make the connection until the scaremongering gave me the dry runs.

[starsapphire78]

lol

[colza]

Policeman pulled over a young bloke.
"You were 10 kms over the 60 limit, son."
"Sorry officer, I wasn't paying attention."
"What's your name?"
"D-D-D-David."
The policeman gave him a sharp look, thinking he was having a go.
"Do you have a stammer?"
"No, I don't but my dad did. That b... so & so @ the Registry!"

Cheers,
 colza

[pc bowe]

Social distancing.
Finally.
Something I'm good at.

[Ghost]

Police Officer to thief "Why did you keep running when I told you to stop?"
Nabbed crook, "I was practicing Social Distancing!"

[pc bowe]

Last year I gave the missus a a 20$ bunch of flowers for her birthday.
This year she got a 10$ pack of toilet paper. 
 

[pc bowe]

On the bright side.
The Cowboys have only had one lose this year.