Joke of the Day

[Jimnyjerry]

Sa nolg sa oyu cna lsepl dan od ont velae yan tertsel otu. 

[moonshadow_dancer]

Hmm as long as you can spell and do not leave any letters out.

very true

[shaker]

I liked that one.........er.............what was it again?

[moonshadow_dancer]

Ever Wonder why?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Did you ever stop and wonder.......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

[calxoddity]

Do you want answers to these, or are they rhetorical questions?  

[mg]

Answers please Calx.

[mehoose]

Oh yes please calx.
I'll get the popcorn ready. 

[calxoddity]

Without and further ado (but possibly a lot of adont), here beith the answers you seek:

Q: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
A: Actually he does have a beard, but he keeps it at home to avoid lewd comments from chimpanzees

Q: Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
A:  We are rather cleverly attempting to generate current through the piezoelectric effect

Q: Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
A: Because too much of not enough is never enough.  And besides, you are a bad person.

Q: Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A: Because they weren't allowed to have bellybutton piercings

Q: Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
A:  It's much harder to count paint

Q: Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
A:  Count Fronly Gurpin III, lexigographical advisor to King Edward III.  It was originally going to be spelt "lirp", but that sounded too much like a frog throwing up.

Q: What is the speed of darkness?
A: 42

Q: Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
A: Because they wake up every two hours.  I don't understand your question....

Q: Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
A: At the special olympics special is the new normal.  Not being special is just another flavour of normal, so no.

Q: If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
A: Taken literally, around the temperature that carbon dioxide freezes.  If you hear this forecast, stay inside...

Q: Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
A: Both - being yelled at BEFORE you try something really dumb extends life, but the resulting sulk makes time drag

Q: How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
A: Because we used to have porters.  Unfortunately, NASA caused a worldwide shortage of porters in the 1960s, leading to development of wheeled luggage just after the back brace but before teflon frypans.  Yet another spinoff from the space program.

Q: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
A:  Because there are no coin-operated binoculars at ground level - they're only ever high up.  You have to go up high to use them (d'oh!)


Did you ever stop and wonder.......

Q: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
A:  He was drunk

Q: Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
A:  The discoverer of chicken manure.  This didn't last long as a food group.  Despite the presence of a shell around it, eggs were a lot more popular because they could be boiled and remain intact.

Q:Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
A:  Not all humans are decent.  Toaster makers know their market.

Q: Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
A: Light moves slower in cold temperatures.  The differential in the speed of light between freezer and fridge can result in local spacetime anomalies and distort your fridge.

Q: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
A: Because the bathroom is elsewhere

Q: Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
A:  To change the tape in the video recorder

Q: Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
A: Both dogs?  What makes you think that?  I think you're barking up the wrong tree.

Q: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
A: Quests?

Q: If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
A: Baby corn

Q: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
A: No - morons have a positive charge.  You're thinking of ethicons.

Q: Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
A: Both were written by Milli Vanilli

Q: Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
A: Yes, but the letters are eaten out of order

Q: Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
A: Logical conclusion covering both events:  you need mouthwash.

Q: Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
A:  No, it makes it go sideways.  If you push the button an uneven number times beyond the first time, you may actually be getting on the OTHER elevator!

I think it's time for my nanna nap.....

Regards,
Shane

[mehoose]

ROFLMAO.
Brilliant.
You've earnt your nap.
Nighty Noos.

[Exswede]

Great answers Shane, I want some of what you are taking, have you been into the purple pills, or was it the jelly beans from Stannifer... ? 

Some other important questions...

Why do we call it 'shipment', when we send something by car / truck... and 'cargo' when we send something with a ship...

When a tree falls down in the the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound ?

[mehoose]

LOL, Like the shipment one exswede.

Raises the question how does a thermos know when to keep something hot or cold.

[moonshadow_dancer]

LMAO Shane, good job

Q: Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
A: Because they wake up every two hours.  I don't understand your question....

we do sleep like Babies when we drink Beer, Tea, Coffee etc. We too are up every 2 hours Peeing

[Jimnyjerry]

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out

[calxoddity]

... and some useful proverbs:

Don't count your chickens if you don't have any

A watched pot is never alone

A bird in the hand makes charades difficult to perform

The grass is always greener if you paint it

A stitch in time causes puckering

Waste not and you soon run out of not

Once bitten, it hurts

It's always darkest before the light goes on

He who hesitates is probably thinking of all the things that could go wrong

Spare the rod and spoil your fishing trip

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it tapdance (obvious, really)

Regards,
Shane

[moonshadow_dancer]

LMAO