Joke of the Day

[Jamo]

For the computer nerds out there ...

A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, "Didn't you hear me?! I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"

The guy took the frog out and said, "Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don't have time for a girlfriend,........but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!"

[Bluey Zarzoff]

Two blondes were driving out to Disneyland.

They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left".

They started crying, turned around and went home.

[Ghost]

Article Headline not very well thought through.

"Injured race car driver making slow recovery after fatal crash"

[Aussie Sapphire]

Article Headline not very well thought through.

"Injured race car driver making slow recovery after fatal crash"

I saw that headline on Google News and had the same reaction.

An awful situation but not a great way of reporting it.

cheers
Leah

[MALACHI]

I couldn't resist posting this one, I just hope I'm not overstepping the censorship boundaries?


Daddy , how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe..  We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.  There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 

You got Male

[Klingon]

very witty...made me laugh !!

[1971sharyn]

Love it..hahaha very funny and very appropriate 

[Wwoofa]

Very funny Malachi 

[Bluey Zarzoff]

Two blondes walked into a bar.................... The third one ducked.

[Bluey Zarzoff]

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, and God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Seamus yells out, "Hey, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

[Klingon]

Good one !!

[MALACHI]

The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter,
"but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend.
Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow
b) Thrush
c) Magpie
d) Cuckoo

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,

''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin”

 Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and
repeated the question to him.

"Dat's simple cried paddy, it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris ,
"I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris .

"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed,
"Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know
it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a clock!" 

Mario 

[XTMess]

I got one

What did buzz aldren say to his fans?

Neil before me.

( sorry if the name is mispelt )

[Bluey Zarzoff]

I am currently reading a book about anti-gravity.

I cannot put it down.

[Jamo]

Read this and had a laugh so thought you might enjoy it...

This is a letter a Grandma to her granddaughter. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,"For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked Joey, your 15 year old cousin, in the back seat what that meant. He said, "It is probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something". Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back! Joey burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon.

Love,
Grandma