Joke of the Day

[Klingon]

...now i have an Apatite for more jokes.....

[Klingon]

....but i could get Jaded by it all.....

[Bluey Zarzoff]

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain ells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that is why you always feel smarter after a few .

[fishaholic5]

Haha
 Does that mean I'm getting dumber again now I don't drink anymore??

Cheers
Wal

[Bluey Zarzoff]

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering.

 98 of them said, "How the hell did you get in here?"

[Speckee]

LOL

[colza]

Was talking to my local butcher at a weekend bbq when he introduced me to his wife: "Meet Patty."
Sorry, though I'd chuck a bit of corn around.
Cheers,
colza

[Brero]

having a good laugh so i thought id contribute.

A drunk bloke walks out of a pub and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up and punches her square in the face. When she falls to the ground, he yells in triumph, "You're not so tough, are you, Batman?"

[snowman3195]

having a good laugh so i thought id contribute.

A drunk bloke walks out of a pub and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up and punches her square in the face. When she falls to the ground, he yells in triumph, "You're not so tough, are you, Batman?"

I love it.   

[Fullerton]

I just kept thinking of that poor nun ... 

[tinker]

Paddy and Hamish we reading the notice board at the local shops, one of them caught Paddy's eye ( Tree fella's wanted), Paddy turned to Hamish and said "Its a pity Shaune wasn't with us, we could have had that job".......

[steveo]

Good one Tinker, it did take the second time. 

[Jamo]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd like to be 8 again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong. 

[Jamo]

One day a man is walking down the street and saw an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: 'does your dog bite?' the old man replies 'No never'. When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says 'I thought you said your dog did not bite! 'I did' replies the old man, but this isn't my dog!'  lol

[colza]

Then there's the one about the IRA guy sent to England to blow up a London bus...
He got his lips burnt on the exhaust.
Cheers,
colza