Joke of the Day

[MALACHI]

THAT A GOOD'N    KEEP THEM COMING!

Regards
Mario.S. 

[mehoose]

ROFL guys, I needed those laughs.

[MALACHI]

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this for me, please ?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.  "Does that taste sweet to you ?" asks Paddy. "No, not at all," says the chemist.  "Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar." 

This was just sent to me at work, I liked it so much.  I thought I share it with you all.
 
Regards Mario.S.

[JudyC]

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU SAY?

Was out driving this morning.   Busy keeping the car on the road while the wife read all the little road signs to herself.
Suddenly, out of the blue she says, "Pigeon poo is a lot dearer than horse poo."
After taking a moment or two to work out what the hell she was talking about,
I said, "That because you need a lot more pigeons than horses to get a bag full."

So folks, there's the question.   What else could you say?

Ghost

Having horses myself and having to clean out the stables twice a day, all I can say is there is definitely NO money in it and it would be easier to collect  bird s@#t from the bottom of a cage I would imagine 

That reminds me of a ditty my father taught me as a kid ...
Birdie Birdie in the sky;
Dropped some white stuff in my eye
I’m a big boy I won’t cry
I’m just glad cows don’t fly

LMFAO Ditto Jamo, we have cows too and the bull's s@#t's are monsters, would surely bury me 

That reminds me of an incident I had when I was working in Dubai. Showered and clean and off to the evening markets and a bird flew across, let fly, it went between my specs and eyes, brushed my eyelashes and cheek and landed on my chest. I am very glad it wasn't a cow. Bet he was laughing fit to bust when he saw what a classic shot that was.

[Ghost]

Just found this gem.

"Some people were lucky enough to be born smart, while others were even smarter and got born lucky.~ Ed Seykota"

Pity I'm neither lucky nor smart.
Regards,   Ghost

[Jamo]

Just found this gem.

"Some people were lucky enough to be born smart, while others were even smarter and got born lucky.~ Ed Seykota"

Pity I'm neither lucky nor smart.
Regards,   Ghost

Dunno ghost. Your pretty smart to be on ALF!

[Klingon]

WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, LET ME!!
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the
activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she
needed to communicate.
 
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the
right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right side.
 
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the
family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.
 
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed
her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
 
A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said ...
"Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
 
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the
nephew...
 
'Mongrels won't let me fart!'

[MALACHI]

Now that deserves    (**A... Ah can you hold on a sec..................Ah that better**)   a thumbs up!

Mario 

[Jamo]

A fossicker was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."

[smokey-hunter]

Little Johny was at school when his teacher said to everyone to get the fist word youre  famaly sais So he went Home and the first thing his mother said was shut upp then he went to his big brothers room and the first thing he said was na na na na batman then he went to his sisters room and she said yer yer yer yer and then he went to his little brothers room and he said in my little broom broom car so he went to school the next day and he said shut upp the teacher said what who do you think you are he said nanananana batman and then she said do you want detention he said ye ye ye ye so she said how do you think you will get away with this he said in my little broom broom car

[Jamo]

Little Johny was at school when his teacher said to everyone to get the fist word youre  famaly sais So he went Home and the first thing his mother said was shut upp then he went to his big brothers room and the first thing he said was na na na na batman then he went to his sisters room and she said yer yer yer yer and then he went to his little brothers room and he said in my little broom broom car so he went to school the next day and he said shut upp the teacher said what who do you think you are he said nanananana batman and then she said do you want detention he said ye ye ye ye so she said how do you think you will get away with this he said in my little broom broom car

Thanks for sharing Smokey

[MakkyBrown]

CROW DEATHS

Researchers for the RSPB found over 200 dead crows in Camborne recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

The RSPB then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah," not a single one could shout "Truck."

[Bluey Zarzoff]

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.

A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.'

I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'

[Jamo]

cawww, That's just too cruel Bluey!!

[Ghost]

When I was a kid, I was told if I pulled a silly face, it might stay that way.    Now I suck in my tummy and hope they were right.
.
.
.
Actually, when I look in the mirror to shave, i think perhaps they were.