collapse

Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 237295 times)

MALACHI

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 724
  • Live long and prospect
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #750 on: December 24, 2019, 09:40:13 AM »
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
 The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?" ::) ;) beers

MALACHI

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 724
  • Live long and prospect
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #751 on: December 24, 2019, 09:42:55 AM »
When you stop believing in Santa Claus
is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.  ;) beers

Bucket

  • Global Moderator
  • ALF'er VIP
  • *****
  • Posts: 1014
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #752 on: December 27, 2019, 06:58:25 PM »
Hey Malachi, when did you stop believing? If you don't believe you don't receive! If you believe too much you end up being Santa!
Common sense isn't exactly common

MALACHI

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 724
  • Live long and prospect
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #753 on: December 28, 2019, 07:26:32 PM »
Hey Bucket . I would have thought you would have been too busy to read my incriminating post.  I guess that puts me on the naughty list and I'll  be getting a lump of coal next Christmas. Any chance you could make that Jet ??  ::) ;) :)

Bucket

  • Global Moderator
  • ALF'er VIP
  • *****
  • Posts: 1014
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #754 on: January 01, 2020, 02:24:07 PM »
Hi Malachi, I seem to recall you're a member at Essendon, have you guys settled into your new rooms at yet?
Common sense isn't exactly common

MALACHI

  • ALF'er VIP
  • *
  • Posts: 724
  • Live long and prospect
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #755 on: January 15, 2020, 05:09:34 PM »
Hmmm …Lawyers don't lie.  ::)

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming
to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.
 
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a Home to him because they knew that the
children would destroy the home.
 
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do not lie.
 
So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their children.
 
He took the remaining one with him to see homes with a real estate agent.
 
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked: "How many children do you have?
He answered: "12 children. The agent asked "Where are the others? The lawyer answered, with a sad look,
"They are  in the  cemetery with their mother.
 
And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.
 
MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to  choose the right words.
 
Lawyers don't Lie ...they are creative ........and don't forget:  Most politicians are lawyers...... ;) :)

 


 



« Last Edit: January 15, 2020, 05:16:47 PM by MALACHI »

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 186
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #756 on: February 13, 2020, 09:50:17 AM »
I have often felt, I am a skinny man trapped in a fat mans body.
I think I may be trans-slender.

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 186
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #757 on: March 10, 2020, 04:59:52 PM »
Toilette Paper.
The Currency of the apocalypse. 
Who Knew!

FlashGP

  • Global Moderator
  • ALF'er VIP
  • *****
  • Posts: 653
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #758 on: March 10, 2020, 07:18:26 PM »
I didn't make the connection until the scaremongering gave me the dry runs.
Yours Sincerely
Flash (Gordon)

starsapphire78

  • ALF'er Platinum
  • *
  • Posts: 349
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #759 on: March 11, 2020, 10:36:58 PM »
lol

colza

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 183
  • My fossicking mate
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #760 on: March 14, 2020, 08:02:44 AM »
Policeman pulled over a young bloke.
"You were 10 kms over the 60 limit, son."
"Sorry officer, I wasn't paying attention."
"What's your name?"
"D-D-D-David."
The policeman gave him a sharp look, thinking he was having a go.
"Do you have a stammer?"
"No, I don't but my dad did. That b... so & so @ the Registry!"

Cheers,
 colza
I dig it.

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 186
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #761 on: March 22, 2020, 12:02:27 PM »
Social distancing.
Finally.
Something I'm good at.

Ghost

  • Global Moderator
  • ALF'er Platinum
  • *****
  • Posts: 485
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #762 on: March 27, 2020, 10:44:50 AM »
Police Officer to thief "Why did you keep running when I told you to stop?"
Nabbed crook, "I was practicing Social Distancing!"

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 186
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #763 on: March 27, 2020, 10:01:28 PM »
Last year I gave the missus a a 20$ bunch of flowers for her birthday. :)
This year she got a 10$ pack of toilet paper.  :o ;D :-*
 ???

pc bowe

  • ALF'er Gold Member
  • *
  • Posts: 186
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #764 on: March 29, 2020, 07:51:47 AM »
On the bright side.
The Cowboys have only had one lose this year.

 

Recent Activities

Joke of the Day by Ghost
[October 23, 2021, 08:29:58 PM]


Advice on Lamberts and other overseas cutters by Aussie Sapphire
[October 22, 2021, 07:21:02 AM]


Making your own concave cutter mandrels by Faceting Frank
[October 21, 2021, 02:56:08 PM]


Flinders Island, TAS - Hunting for Killiecrankie Diamonds by MrSydney
[October 18, 2021, 12:18:19 PM]


what is the leveling system on the forum by pc bowe
[October 11, 2021, 01:06:38 PM]


I have a recommendation for the forum by The Aussie Boy
[October 10, 2021, 11:46:59 AM]


High bankers by The Aussie Boy
[October 10, 2021, 11:45:47 AM]


Tuena by The Aussie Boy
[October 10, 2021, 11:43:04 AM]


What does jaeper look like by geowork
[October 07, 2021, 01:31:50 PM]


Caves beach rocks that have been found or could be founds by MrSydney
[October 04, 2021, 12:06:06 PM]


Dopping with epoxy by geowork
[September 25, 2021, 08:22:56 PM]


Cooking Matrix Opal by Barry Simiana
[September 25, 2021, 11:47:34 AM]


Facetron Encoder Mod Thread by RoughCreations
[September 23, 2021, 11:14:30 AM]


Gems stolen, Mt Surprise by starsapphire78
[September 14, 2021, 09:07:23 PM]


Back after long layoff by Bucket
[September 14, 2021, 03:27:15 PM]