Joke of the Day

[colza]

Or the one where Mick says to Paddy,"You know Christmas is a Friday this year." And Paddy replies, "Well let's hope it's not the 13th then."

[Jamo]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

[snowman3195]

Jamo,

Excellent. I read it to Marg but unfortunately, she doesn't have my sense of humour.  She's normal. 

Wayne.

[Jamo]

General Amalgamated Industries, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here."

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."   

[MALACHI]

Keeps the jokes rolling on Jamo,  they're like those specks of gold in your pan, there bright and bring a big smile to my face.    :

Regards Mario.S.

[lloydofashford]

dito

[Ghost]

No Through must be a pretty big place.
A hell of a lot of roads lead to it.

[Ghost]

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU SAY?

Was out driving this morning.   Busy keeping the car on the road while the wife read all the little road signs to herself.
Suddenly, out of the blue she says, "Pigeon poo is a lot dearer than horse poo."
After taking a moment or two to work out what the hell she was talking about,
I said, "That because you need a lot more pigeons than horses to get a bag full."

So folks, there's the question.   What else could you say?

Ghost

[1971sharyn]

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU SAY?

Was out driving this morning.   Busy keeping the car on the road while the wife read all the little road signs to herself.
Suddenly, out of the blue she says, "Pigeon poo is a lot dearer than horse poo."
After taking a moment or two to work out what the hell she was talking about,
I said, "That because you need a lot more pigeons than horses to get a bag full."

So folks, there's the question.   What else could you say?

Ghost

Having horses myself and having to clean out the stables twice a day, all I can say is there is definitely NO money in it and it would be easier to collect  bird s@#t from the bottom of a cage I would imagine 

[Jamo]

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU SAY?

Was out driving this morning.   Busy keeping the car on the road while the wife read all the little road signs to herself.
Suddenly, out of the blue she says, "Pigeon poo is a lot dearer than horse poo."
After taking a moment or two to work out what the hell she was talking about,
I said, "That because you need a lot more pigeons than horses to get a bag full."

So folks, there's the question.   What else could you say?

Ghost

Having horses myself and having to clean out the stables twice a day, all I can say is there is definitely NO money in it and it would be easier to collect  bird s@#t from the bottom of a cage I would imagine 

That reminds me of a ditty my father taught me as a kid ...
Birdie Birdie in the sky;
Dropped some white stuff in my eye
I’m a big boy I won’t cry
I’m just glad cows don’t fly

[1971sharyn]

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU SAY?

Was out driving this morning.   Busy keeping the car on the road while the wife read all the little road signs to herself.
Suddenly, out of the blue she says, "Pigeon poo is a lot dearer than horse poo."
After taking a moment or two to work out what the hell she was talking about,
I said, "That because you need a lot more pigeons than horses to get a bag full."

So folks, there's the question.   What else could you say?

Ghost

Having horses myself and having to clean out the stables twice a day, all I can say is there is definitely NO money in it and it would be easier to collect  bird s@#t from the bottom of a cage I would imagine 

That reminds me of a ditty my father taught me as a kid ...
Birdie Birdie in the sky;
Dropped some white stuff in my eye
I’m a big boy I won’t cry
I’m just glad cows don’t fly

LMFAO Ditto Jamo, we have cows too and the bull's s@#t's are monsters, would surely bury me 

[MALACHI]

Bob was digging all day in hard rock at his favourite fossicking site, with no success. Hot, tired and sweaty, he looks skyward and says....
Lord, if you find me a nice crystal I promise I will go to church every sunday for the rest of my life, and I will give up drinking.
When he looked down, there was a nice blue beryl poking up out the rock. Bob looked up again and said....

Never mind.... I found one!

[Ghost]

The suburb of Notinservice is very well catered for with public transport.

[Bluey Zarzoff]

 I recently picked a new G.P. doctor.
 
   After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I've just reached 65).
 
   A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'
 
   He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
 
   'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
 
   Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?
 
   'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
 
   'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling?'
 
   'No, I don't,' I said.
 
   He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
 
   'No,' I said...
 
   He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why on earth  do you want to live to 85?

[steveo]

   That's a good one Bluey..