Joke of the Day

[FlashGP]

My daughter asked her Google home to tell her a joke.  Here’s what it said.


Why did the beans move to North Qld.


A.  Because they wanted to live in Cairns.

[starsapphire78]

LOL

[Faceting Frank]

During the current pandemic it’s important not to cough next to someone, but to cough further away.
So if anyone does cough near you, tell them to far cough.

[pc bowe]

My Grandfather recently declared himself to be the world's greatest lover!
Turns out his latest girlfriend is just asthmatic.

[pc bowe]

I learnt two things today.


1. The cheapest cut at my local butchers, is deer testicles.


2. Their usually under a buck.

[wallie]

ISN'T SCIENCE FASCINATING
Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
 Where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !
 It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
 "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Oh quit whining I fell for it, too.

[pc bowe]

My Grandfather, after watching the Oscars, declared that all resent leading men aren't the tough guys they used to be.
He can remember reading in an article that Rock Hudson, once took on 2 sailors at a bar.

[tinker]

Does anybody know how to catch a Polar Bear


Well first you dig a hole in the ice, you sprinkle frozen peas around the hole in the ice. When the Polar Bear bends over to have a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

[pc bowe]

After recently partaking in a QLD gov survey to dicide on a state fossil emblem.
My pick was Obdurodon Dicksoni.
Due to a complete lack of maturity.

[pc bowe]

I recently joined a nudist colony.
I found the first day to be the hardest.

[pc bowe]

Driving down the highway.
Long awkward silence.
Me "So how do you determine if your being told a 'Dad joke'?
The Wife "Help me Jesus"!
Me "When it's apparent".
Long awkward silence.
Driving down the highway.

[pc bowe]

I love my Camp Oven.


I think I may be Pan-sexual.

[pc bowe]

My Grandfather's new girlfriend apparently is a twin.
Me "So Grandfather how do you tell them apart".
Grandfather "Well you see Mary always wears red fingernail polish and Bill has a penis".

[pc bowe]

While standing in line, to pay for my fuel at the servo.
I suddenly broke out a cold sweat and felt this stabbing pain in my hip pocket.
Must be that latest pandemic swiping the world.
Car-owner virus.

[mehoose]

lol.. but so true
ok, you had me peeing myself at a couple of those....